Feeling insignificant and Date Balls

Do you ever have one of those days, one when you feel really down and unimportant in the big scheme of things.

I had one of those recently.

Date balls 3

Years ago, when Pete and I got married, as you do, we combined everything and reshuffled a few things to suit our new life.  One of the things we did was close the banking accounts which were in my maiden name as they became somewhat redundant and instead of changing the accounts into my married name we  closed the account as to prevent unnecessary monthly banking fees.  Made sense at the time.

Fast forward a number of years to just the other day.  As many of you know, my uncle recently passed away and having worked through the process of his estate with my aunt, it brought a lot of realities to the fore which brings us to my not having a bank account in my own capacity.  I am a secondary card holder on all of Pete’s accounts with full signing power plus I have a power of attorney so what more do you need, right… but in the event of anything happening to him I would be in a bit of a dormant situation until his estate is wound up which as we all know can take quite some time.

This all sounds very depressing but it is a reality which needs to be dealt with and I am sure I am not the only one in this position.

Long story short, because I do not have any utility bills in my name showing our physical address in the region we reside in, it seems I cannot prove who I am to the bank!  HONESTLY!

Date balls 2

The 2 ladies at the, let’s call them, the Blue Bank, were not very sympathetic to my situation and after lengthy explanations said they were happy to accept a store account printout with the stores official stamp on it, just so long as it reflected our physical address – no amount of further explanation that we do not have street delivery in our area and that everything is registered to our box address made no difference, regardless of the fact I do not have any accounts.  The more I was trying to explain this, the more they were insistent that I must have!  Urgh!!!

Long story short, they are now happy to have Pete sign a piece of paper saying I am his wife (you should see the unprofessional form) and to provide a utility bill in his name.  They don’t need to see him sign the silly piece of paper so I could just as well sign it and take along my power of attorney and see what they have to say about that!

So feeling very unimportant and worthless I came home and made a batch of date balls.  Food is very therapeutic.

Date balls 1

Date Balls


250g butter
2 cups sugar
500g packet dates broken into small pieces
2 eggs beaten
1½ pkts Marie biscuits crumbed
2 tsp vanilla essence
Coconut for coating


  1. Melt the butter, sugar and dates together in a pot until combined.  Remove from the heat to cool.
  2. Add the eggs.
  3. Add the vanilla essence.
  4. Add the Marie biscuits and mix well.
  5. Form into walnut sized balls.
  6. Roll in coconut.
  7. Refrigerate.

62 thoughts on “Feeling insignificant and Date Balls

  1. It’s an archaic system and very frustrating, I had a similar experience buying my flat. Mine was the ‘red bank’ and I’d have eaten a dozen of your dateballs to help me through the process of dealing with them xxx

    • What a bother Cindy! I think all the banks are the same now days! Must say the date balls were a welcoming enjoyment after all the irritation. I was just up in Joburg and had I been able to stay an extra couple of days, I would love to have made contact to come and enjoy a cuppa with you in your new flat. Maybe next trip? Have a super day. 🙂 xo

  2. That’s so frustrating and it happens here too. Bloody privacy laws. We have two accounts where I can’t speak to anyone at the bank because I’m the secondary card holder. Carl has to send in letters etc and until that happens I can’t do a thing like notify them of a change of address when we moved recently. You could tear your hair out or eat date balls xx

    • Urgh!!! These banks treat us like we are criminals some days. The funny thing is I have a power of attorney so legally speaking I can sign anything on Pete’s behalf plus I am a full signatory on all of our bank accounts which allows me to anything else but prove who I am clearly! Have a super weekend Charlie. 🙂 xoxo

  3. What a nice alternative to rum balls. Bookmarking this recipe for later.
    Sorry to hear about your encounter at the bank. You can now open your own account albeit the unprofessionalism!

  4. Wow what a technical nightmare. It’s also strange that women don’t help out other women – ‘just following procedures’…Open a bank account with a small amount of money in your name and then you’ll have something just in case:)

    • I think some woman enjoy thinking they have power over other woman – what a bother, but finally have the account opened so now I can move passed this horrible ordeal. Have a super weekend Ruby. 🙂 xo

  5. The only thing that will make you feel better about today is one of those delicious date goodies and a move to Japan and then you will truly understand frustration. In Japan, only the husband is allowed to have signage of bank account, not the wife. It was both of our money but only he could make changes. So then we had this huge painful process of getting this special stamp authorization and more painful forms in Japanese to complete and then more pain, then in his absence I could take care of things with my money.. Uggh.. don’t even get me started banking is so painful in Asia.

    • Oh no Bam, I think I would be pulling my hair out in chunks if I had to deal with that! So pleased you have it sorted now though. I think all banks world wide are as bad as each other now days. Have a lovely weekend. 🙂 xo

  6. You are never insignificant my friend, not in the blogging world nor in the real world. You don’t need paperwork to show your significance, only in the business sense 🙂
    I feel like this sometimes at school, you feel everyone is someone except you. Don’t worry, we all go through it 🙂

    On a nicer note, these date balls look fan-friggin-fabulous, may I order 50 dozen? Please? 😀


    • You know just how to make a person feel better CCU, thank you Honey.
      Right, now just to work out the logistics of shipping 50 dozen date balls… Can you just imagine what they would be like by the time they would reach you! Oh dear. Have a beautiful weekend CCU. 🙂 xo

  7. I love the date balls but I don’t like what you had to go through! Yikes – how foolish do they have to be? When we got married, I was well established in my career & didn’t want to change my name. Part of the reason too was that I’d just renewed my driver’s license and the thought of standing in line at the registry of motor vehicles made me want to stick my head in the oven so I never changed my name. Of course I have relatives, who at the time immediately protested “what would we do when we have children? They’ll be all confused!” Eye roll…. My daughter’s middle name is my last, her last is my husband’s and she’s somehow managed to grow into a normal, well adjusted lady. It is funny that you could have just walked around the corner, scribbled any ol’ name & the bank would have been happy.

    • It’s funny how people get flappy about names and what is more important Diane. How lovely that you were able to give your daughter both your maiden name and your husbands surname.
      Legally speaking, I could have signed that stupid form as I have a power of attorney so I can sign anything on Pete’s behalf plus I am a full signatory on all of our bank accounts which allows me to anything else but prove who I am clearly! Urgh!!! No matter, a dozen or so date balls later and I am over it all. Have a super weekend friend. 🙂 xo

  8. What a huge pain in the derriere. I know my mum had a similar problem recently with her phone bill – the payment comes out of her bank account but the bill is in my dad’s name and when she rang to query something they insisted on speaking to my dad. He had a stroke a few years back which affected his speech somewhat and also has a very heavy Italian accent so phone calls are dealt with by my mum – they weren’t having any of it 😦 You are certainly not worthless or insignificant, it’s the “jobs worths” who need to get a life. Hmph.
    And I love your balls – in the nicest possible way!

  9. Such a hassle, Mandy! Thank goodness you had the forethought to handle it now, long before necessary. Now you needn’t worry about it again. I do like your style, though. Having a bad day or week? Bake your troubles away. I make pasta but the effect is the same. 🙂

    • You always put things back into perspective for me John, thank you, my level headed friend.
      Though you may like to know I am planning on making pasta this weekend. 😀 Have an awesome day. 🙂 xo

  10. Some years ago I went to a car dealership to buy a car I was interested in, my son asked to come along and I said OK. Spoke to the car salesman and asked to test drive the car. The salesman handed the keys to my son instead of to me. After my son took the keys, I turned to the salesman and announced that my son was only 15 and is not yet allowed to drive.

  11. I have days like that and usually go for a little indulgence too. I am struggling right now in my professional life because my career is secondary to you know who’s.It can be a little frustrating to do the 40 hours a week for the next 15 to 20 years, especially when the job not career you are in is so not working anymore. Take Care:)

    • Oh Renee, how frustrating for you! I hope you can find a happy balance. You are always such an inspiration with your posts, I am sure you will easily find your happy place. Have lovely weekend. 🙂 xo

  12. I am a Justice of the Peace and I know of lots of ladies in your position who find it difficult to prove just who they are. Please put your bank account in joint names and if possible open a bank account in your own name even if it only contains a small amount. Perhaps a debit account like I have with your own credit card where you use your own money from your own account. That way you will accumulate a credit history and a paper trail which could be very useful to you.

    • Isn’t it ridiculous the length we have to go to some days. This is the whole reason I wanted to open a bank account in my name so I wouldn’t have problems moving forward. What a nightmare to say the least, but thankfully it is all sorted now. The funny thing is I have a power of attorney so legally speaking I can sign anything on Pete’s behalf plus I am a full signatory on all of our other bank accounts which allows me to anything else but prove who I am clearly. Thank you for your kind advice. Have a super weekend. 🙂 xo

  13. Mandy, Don’t feel too bad, I once went to a bank to see about a loan for a house and the guy told me to take the form home and get my husband’s permission !! I told him there was no husband, he quickly remembered all the non sexist training he had had and apologised profusely but it was too late, I walked out. I bet you really enjoyed those date balls!!

  14. My sweet, you are so very smart and capable that you can overcome any old obstacle. Bureaucracy is certainly one of the worst obstacles one ever faces, and still you will beat this ridiculous bit of puffed-up, self-important rigamarole quickly enough. It *is* interestingly complicated to figure out how to arrange and balance the business side of being married, isn’t it. But you two will certainly prevail. Meanwhile, you will have the succor and refreshment of some very tasty date treats indeed to soothe your battered spirits. And big hugs from me, into the bargain, for what it’s worth. 😀

    • Dear Kathryn, your big hugs have certainly helped – I am feeling the love, thank you! Strange that some days things can wash over me without me even giving them a second thought and other days if feels like my little world is being crushed. Thank you for your loving support and have a beautiful day. 🙂 xo

  15. What an ordeal, that so old style of verification, I guess we had this in the Philippines long time ago. Anyways that date balls looks nice and simple, I got to try them

    • It seems government make up news or should I say old rules as the like Raymund. So frustrating. I would love to hear how you enjoy the date balls when you make them. Have a super day and I look forward to catching up with your posts soon. 🙂 xo

  16. **So feeling very unimportant and worthless I came home and made a batch of date balls.**

    I understand. Food seems to solve several crisis’s. Too bad this doesn’t work for World Peace!

    And btw, you are abundantly important & wonderfully valuable !:) Xxxxx LOVE.

    • From your lips to the worlds ears Kim!
      Thank you for your ever loving friendship and support dear Kim. Albeit a cyberspace friendship, it is wonderful to have you in my fold. Love to you in Minnesota. 🙂 xoxoxo

  17. Not a pleasant subject, but definitely something worth thinking about. I should look into that as well. Still have to do a will and parental “back-ups” for the kids, talk about a not fun topic. Perhaps I’ll have your date balls at the ready when we approach that subject.

  18. Honestly Mandy, it’s not depressing to talk about at all. It is a reality we all must talk about. When my father passed away, I learned a lot more than I ever knew. I learned about having another persons name on the account in case something happens, how to handle being the beneficiary, and everything in between. I was stressed and felt very defeated during that time, but you can’t allow it to. Hang in there Mandy 🙂

  19. You should never feel insignificant for one minute but I like how you chased away the bad feelings with your delicious date balls. I tried to get a credit card in my own name at the bank where we have a joint checking and savings account. I was told I didn’t qualify because I didn’t have anything in just my name. I quickly withdrew half the money I had at the bank and opened an account at another bank. I then went back to the first bank and showed them my new account just in my name and they instantly gave me a credit card. Needless to say I’ll never not have some things only in my name. 🙂

  20. You should have signed it with the P.o.A.! That would have taught them a lesson.
    I am glad I have an account in my name…but it’s in a different bank.They can’t keep the accounts separate or straight here between a father and a son who is a ‘Junior’, despite separate account numbers, different wives and addresses! Banks are crazy.One of ours refuses to take a check that is endorsed over to an account holder! The other has no problem with it. Insanity.

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